Have You Matured — or Are You Just Avoiding Different Opinions?
My wife and I sat at the table and talked.
“You know you’ve been cutting people off lately when they start criticising,” she said to me over dinner.
“But you used to be like that too,” she added calmly.
She was right. I used to be the first one explaining how the system should work. In those conversations, I felt clarity. Even strength. Today, that kind of energy just exhausts me.
Projection and the Psychology of Criticism
“So why does it bother you so much now?” she asked.
“Because it’s negative.”
“Or is it because you don’t want to face your own anger anymore?”
I didn’t like that sentence.
Later, I thought about it. Projection is described as a defence mechanism in which a person attributes their own unacceptable feelings to others. If I struggle to admit my own sense of helplessness, it is easier to talk about the incompetence of those in power. If uncertainty frightens me, I may criticise those who are making decisions.
Empirical research in social psychology supports the idea that under certain conditions people attribute their own undesirable traits to others. Research on self-reflection also warns that not all introspection is healthy; it can easily turn into rumination — a repetitive loop of negative thinking without genuine insight.
Stress, Fatigue and Emotional Reactivity
When I connected this to myself, I had to admit something uncomfortable. When I’m stressed or tired, I become sharper with the world. When I feel more internally stable, the same things trigger me far less.
“So have you matured, then?” she asked me another day.
“I hope so,” I said. “But I’m afraid that sometimes I just don’t want to be part of the negativity.”
“And what’s wrong with that?”
“If it means I’m avoiding serious topics, then it is.”
Maturity or Avoidance?
Our conversation didn’t end with one of us winning. It ended with a shared understanding that the difference between healthy criticism and constant complaining lies mainly in responsibility. The first grows out of values and facts. The second often grows out of inner tension.
These days, I try to check myself first. Not because the world is without flaws. But because I know it is easier to correct others than to ask what, exactly, is reacting inside me.
And there is probably more maturity in that question than in all the political debates combined.
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